Let me say this: bein' an idiot ain't no box of chocolates.
Nobody ever got into trouble by
keepin' his mouth shut.
Dream, but don't quit your day job.
Don't own nothin' if you can help it. If you can, even rent your shoes.
To save energy, do not go out
lookin' for trouble; chances are,
it will find you soon enough.
If you go to the zoo, always take
somethin' to feed the animals --
even if the signs say "Do Not Feed Animals." It wasn't the animals
that put them signs up.
Forget "Don't get mad ~ get
even." If you're really mad, go ahead
and stomp that sucker flat.
If you got to pee, do not talk about it. Just do it. Might not be time later.
Most people don't look dumb till they start talkin'.
Be prepared to take some shit in
life; just do not take more
than a mouthful at a time.
If you're gonna screw up, do it
while you are young. Older you get,
harder it is to bounce back.
Whenever somebody says "I am here to help you," hold on to your wallet.
You get into a fight, first thing
you do is whang yourself over the head
with a fryin' pan or somethin'. Usually, your opponent will then run
away, figgerin' that if you was willing to do that to yourself, then what
was you fixin' to do to him!.
Some people, like me, are born
idiots, but many more become stupider
as they go along.
Your chances of winnin' the lottery get a lot better if you buy a ticket.
If you don't know where you are goin', you will probably not wind up there.
Nobody ever went broke sayin' "good mornin'" to folks.
It is one thing to talk bullshit; it is another to believe it.
Always be able to look back and say
"At least I didn't lead no humdrum life."
"Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy."